Updated: 10/22/2026
Which is more important - figuring out why you do something or doing something about it?
Knowing why you do something is often a starting point to figure out how you got here. It can help you make sense of your experiences, of what makes you tick. Answering the question “why” - why do I do that, why am I stuck, why am I here - can help you greatly.
It can also keep you stuck. Answering the question why gives us information. Sometimes too much information. And it stops you from going where you truly need to go - change.
Changing unhealthy patterns into healthy ones helps you become unstuck. If you want something in your life to be different, don’t ask why do I do this. Ask what do I need to do differently.
The decision to change your life is simple - say yes to yourself. And no, saying yes to yourself isn’t always easy. Especially if your inner critic acts up, your inner child gets scared just thinking of it, and you aim to always do what others want you to do.
It can be difficult to say “Yes” to yourself, especially if you’re used to saying “No” to yourself. NO, you can’t to do that. NO, you can’t quit your job. NO, you can’t stand up for yourself. NO, you can’t be nice to yourself. NO, you can’t face this. NO, you can’t have feelings. Sound familiar?
Every time you hear yourself say NO (to yourself), allow a quiet voice to say “yes.” Meagerly at first, then ever louder. Until you hear, YES, I want things to change. I want to do this differently. This small tweak in how you address yourself is a small step toward changing your relationship with yourself and others.
Then acknowledge that you’ve taken the first step on the road to knowing the true you.
Doing things differently likely won’t save the world, it won’t move mountains, it won’t bring back your old flame. Doing things differently is about choosing a direction and taking the first step, then another. It’s about writing that new book (not a new chapter of an existing book) one line at a time.
Doing things differently will not make you a new person, a snazzier dresser, and it won’t make you walk on water.
It will launch you on a new adventure, finding yourself among all the noise, knowing that you did something to get out of the old, familiar patterns.
Which will it be? Are you only searching to answer the question why? Or are you doing something differently?
Want to change something in your life? Relationship therapy can help.
About the Author
Ania is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) with over 9 years of experience supporting clients throughout Minnesota. As the founder of Empower You Therapy, she specializes in relationship therapy and trauma recovery, using evidence-based approaches including EMDR, mindfulness-based therapy, the Gottman Method, Relational Life Therapy, and Developmental Model of Couples Therapy to help clients heal relational hurts and build healthier relationships. Ania offers both weekly therapy and therapy intensive programs, providing compassionate, personalized care through in-person sessions in Shoreview and virtual therapy for clients across Minnesota.