Attachment Trauma Therapy in Shoreview, Minnesota
When the people who were supposed to feel safe didn't.
Attachment trauma comes from experiences with caregivers that left you afraid, alone, or unseen. It can shape how you trust, how you love, and how you treat yourself, long after childhood. Attachment trauma therapy can help you understand and heal those patterns. I'm Ania Scanlan, LMFT, and I offer a paced, trauma-informed approach that may include EMDR, individual therapy, and couples work when it fits.
IN PERSON THERAPY
Shoreview, Minnesota
4570 Churchill St, Suite 220
For clients located in Minnesota
You need to be physically in Minnesota during the session.
OTHER STATES
Currently I can only see client who are physically in Minnesota. Florida telehealth registration and Wisconsin licensure are in progress.
WHAT ATTACHMENT TRAUMA IS
Harm that happened in the relationship itself.
Attachment trauma refers to painful experiences with the people we depended on early in life: ongoing emotional neglect, criticism or contempt, unpredictable or frightening behavior, abuse, a caregiver's addiction or mental illness, a parent who was physically present but emotionally absent, or a loss it wasn’t safe to grieve.
It does not require one dramatic event. Often it is what was missing, or what happened over and over. You may not think of it as trauma at all. You may think of it as a childhood that was fine, or hard, or just how things were.
Attachment trauma is not a formal diagnosis. It overlaps with post-traumatic stress disorder and complex PTSD, and a clinical assessment is the way to sort out what applies to you. Naming what happened is not about blaming anyone. It is about understanding what you adapted to.
HOW IT CAN SHOW UP
In your relationships, your body, and the way you talk to yourself.
COMMON EXPERIENCES
- Trust is hard, or you trust too fast and get hurt.
- A small rejection, delay, or change in tone sets off a big reaction.
- You shut down, go numb, or freeze when someone gets close or angry.
- You are drawn to partners who feel familiar, even when they are not good for you.
- You take care of everyone else and find it hard to receive.
- You feel ashamed, too much, or not enough, without knowing why.
- Your body reacts before your mind catches up: racing heart, tight chest, wanting to flee.
Not everyone with a hard childhood has these experiences, and having them does not mean something is wrong with you.
HOW ATTACHMENT TRAUMA CAN AFFECT ADULT LIFE
Patterns that started as protection.
Early experiences shape what feels normal, and what feels safe. These are examples of how that can show up in adult life, not a checklist. Having some of them doesn't mean you have attachment trauma, and not having them doesn't rule it out.
Boundaries
Saying yes when you mean no, or putting up walls so no one gets close enough to matter.
Conflict
Freezing, over-apologizing, or blowing up over something small, because disagreement once felt unsafe.
Emotional regulation
Big reactions to small cues, or going numb when something important is happening.
Closeness and withdrawal
Wanting connection and pulling away when you get it, or holding on tight when someone pulls back.
HOW I APPROACH THERAPY FOR ATTACHMENT TRAUMA
Safety first, then the past, then your relationships.
1
Build steadiness
We start by getting to know your patterns and building skills for staying grounded. Processing painful memories before you can regulate can make you feel worse, so we don't rush this phase.
2
Process what still hurts
When you are ready, EMDR works with specific memories that still feel heavy. Ninety-minute sessions give us time to open a memory, work with it, and close it before you leave.
3
Bring it into your life
We apply what changes to your current relationships: how you set boundaries, ask for what you need, and tolerate closeness. Couples sessions can be part of this when both people want that.
YOUR FIRST SESSION
What happens in the first 90 minutes.
The first session is for getting oriented, not for diving into the hardest memories. You'll have a say in the therapy pace from the start.
TALK
What brought you in
What you're dealing with now, what you've already tried, and what you want to be different.
HISTORY
Your story
Background on your early relationships, your family, and the experiences that have shaped how you relate to people.
TODAY
How you're doing now
I get to know how you're doing day to day, who you can lean on, and what already helps you get through hard days.
PLAN
A starting plan
We talk about what working together would look like, including how often to meet, and I answer any questions you have.
WHY EMDR, AND WHY I SAY 'MAY'
What we know, and what we don't yet.
EMDR is an established treatment for post-traumatic stress, and major guidelines recommend it for PTSD. For childhood and relational trauma, the research is smaller and more mixed. Reviews of treatment for complex trauma generally support phased approaches that build stability first, and describe EMDR as promising within them.
I use EMDR, along with talk therapy and couples work (if you and your partner choose to do so). I am EMDRIA certified and trained in the Developmental Model, Relational Life Therapy, and the Gottman Method.
I can't promise how many sessions you will need or how much you will change. Complex trauma work often takes months, not weeks, and it is okay to go slowly.
OFTEN A GOOD FIT
When you want to understand the pattern and change how you respond.
You notice the pattern and want to work on it
You are in a relationship that matters to you and keeps hitting the same wall
You are single and keep ending things when they get close
Both partners are willing to look at their own part
OFTEN NOT ENOUGH
When we need a bigger or different plan.
A crisis or immediate safety concern (call or text 988, or 911)
You are currently in an unsafe or abusive situation
Active substance use that is keeping you from staying steady in sessions
Needs that call for several services at once, such as a psychiatrist or a treatment program
If we find that you need more support than I can provide alone, I will say so and help you find it.
FAQ ABOUT ATTACHMENT TRAUMA THERAPY
What people ask about attachment trauma.
Is attachment trauma a diagnosis?
No. It's a way of describing painful early experiences with caregivers. It overlaps with post-traumatic stress disorder and complex PTSD, and a clinical assessment is how we sort out what applies to you. If something beyond what I offer is going on, I'll tell you plainly.
My childhood wasn't that bad. Could this still apply?
Possibly. Attachment trauma isn't only about what happened. It can also come from what was missing, such as comfort, protection, or being seen. You don't have to compare your history to anyone else's. We look at what you're dealing with now and how it connects to the past. Seeing that connection matters, because it changes the question from "What's wrong with me?" to "What did I learn to do to cope?" Once you can see where a reaction came from, we can work on it directly.
Do I have to talk through my whole childhood?
No. I'll ask enough about your history to work safely and well, but you don't have to describe your memories in detail. In EMDR, processing doesn't mean talking about it. You pay attention to what comes up, tell me briefly what you notice, and decide how much more to share.
Does EMDR work for attachment trauma?
EMDR is a well-established treatment for post-traumatic stress, and major treatment guidelines recommend it for adults with PTSD. For trauma that began in childhood relationships, the research is smaller and less clear-cut. Experts generally agree on working in stages: first build safety and coping skills, then work with the painful memories, then apply what changes to your daily life and relationships. That's how I structure the work and adjust as needed.
What if it gets too intense?
We build grounding and calming skills first, so you have something to rely on before we process anything difficult. In every session, you can pause or slow down. Ninety minutes also leaves time at the end to ground you and bring you back to the present, so you don't leave in the middle of something difficult.
Will I have to confront or blame my parents?
No. Understanding what happened isn't the same as blaming anyone, and whether you have contact with family is your decision. The work is about what those experiences are still doing to you now, and what we can do about it: process the memories that still feel current, learn to notice and manage your reactions in the moment, and build new ways of connecting, trusting, and asking for what you need.
Can I do this while I'm in a relationship?
Yes. Many people work on attachment trauma while they are in a relationship, and individual EMDR can be combined with couples therapy. As your own triggers lose their intensity, you may react less to old patterns and have more room to respond to your partner the way you want to.
How long will it take, and what does it cost?
I don't set a number of sessions in advance. Complex trauma work often takes months, not weeks, and the pace depends on you. Sessions are $450 for 90 minutes, weekly or bi-weekly. Your first session gives us a plan, and we adjust as we go.
RELATED: Avoidant Attachment Therapy · Couples Therapy · EMDR Therapy
Start with one 90-minute session.
$450 for 90 minutes, in person in Shoreview or online in Minnesota. I don't offer free consultations. The first session is for understanding what you are carrying and what pace is right for you.