Asking “why” may be hurting you
Updated: 12/09/2025
Asking “why” someone did something in the past may be keeping you stuck and not allowing you to heal? That hurt continues to show up in your life every time you ask “why.”
“Why” gives the power to the other person - the one who hurt you, didn’t take care of you, neglected you. It gives that person permission to write the narrative from their own perspective.
Instead of asking “why,” ask:
What does this mean to me?
How has it affected me?
What do I want to do with what happened?
What would I want to tell this person (if anything)?
If you’re afraid to ask these questions on your own, find a good therapist who’s well versed in childhood trauma, and let them help you heal.
About the Author
Ania is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) with 9 years of experience supporting clients throughout Minnesota. As the founder of Empower You Therapy, she specializes in relationship therapy and trauma recovery, using evidence-based approaches including EMDR, mindfulness-based therapy, and parts work to help clients heal from childhood trauma and build healthier relationships. Ania offers both weekly therapy and therapy intensives, providing compassionate, personalized care through in-person sessions in Shoreview and virtual therapy for clients across Minnesota.