5 Steps to being a better listener
Have you ever talked with someone and felt that the other person wasn’t listening to what you were saying? They appeared to be listening, but really didn’t hear you.
Have you been “that” listener – sort of, kind of listening, but not really?
Being an attentive listener can make or break a relationship. Here are 5 ways to improve your listening skills.
1. No distractions. If you’re going to have a conversation with someone – put away the distractions. I mean it! Put phones, tablets, laptops away. Turn off the T.V. and the radio. You get it – nothing that could pull your attention from our conversation.
2. Center yourself. Close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, let the tension go. Reflect on how you’ll know that this conversation went well. Reflect on how you are going to show up in this conversation. Let go of expectations. Embrace curiosity about the conversation.
3. Give your undivided attention. Focus on the speaker and listen with curiosity. Just listen. No coming up with retorts or figuring out what you’re going to say. Listen. What do you hear the speaker sharing with you?
4. Ask questions with curiosity. Reflect on what else would you like to know about the topic of conversation, then ask the questions.
5. Express your appreciation. Whatever the conversation, thank the speaker for talking with you. If listening was hard, say it along with the appreciation (e.g. it was hard to hear that I wasn’t there for you, and I’m glad you shared your experience).
If the conversation warrants, ask what you could do differently in the future, or if there is anything specific you can do to support the other person.
About the Author
Ania is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) with 9 years of experience supporting clients throughout Minnesota. As the founder of Empower You Therapy, she specializes in relationship therapy and trauma recovery, using evidence-based approaches including EMDR, mindfulness-based therapy, and parts work to help clients heal from childhood trauma and build healthier relationships. Ania offers both weekly therapy and therapy intensives, providing compassionate, personalized care through in-person sessions in Shoreview and virtual therapy for clients across Minnesota.