Trauma’s Impact on Relationships
To many, trauma is a bad, catastrophic event. Yet, to fully understand trauma, we can think of it more as an overwhelming situation. In this context, trauma is not necessarily an external event that happens to a person. Rather it is the internal processing of what happened.
This internal processing is a complex process which causes stress, and often results in the individual going into a fight, flight, or freeze mode. The response of fight, flight, or freeze mode stays the same through various stressful situations the person encounters in the future. According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), over two thirds of children in the United States have experienced a form of trauma.
Often, the pain of trauma becomes muted and numb inside the individual. This happens as self-protection. The pain is never really gone, only hidden until an event, topic, activity, or person triggers the trauma and feelings associated with it come rushing back. As a result, carrying the weight of trauma can deeply affect our relationships.
Trauma survivors and individuals in relationships with trauma survivors can experience challenges with trust, communication, anger and feelings of numbness, anxiety or depression. According to the National Center for PTSD, 5%-10% of individuals who suffer from PTSD have lasting relationship problems.
Signs your relationship may be impacted
Do you avoid conversation topics, events, people or certain activities?
Are either you or your partner overly defensive or quick to anger?
Do you feel disconnected from others? Or have a low drive to do things with others?
Maybe you or your partner carry shame?
Do you fear abandonment?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, trauma may be affecting your relationships.
Though relationships may feel hard, they are also very beneficial for those who have experienced trauma. The National Center for PTSD states that relationships allow survivors to not feel alone, can increase self-esteem, and lessen depression.
Five tips to start healing in your relationship:
Practice honesty within your relationship. Communicate how you feel.
2. Have a conversation with your partner about activities that you are comfortable with and enjoy.
3. Have a conversation about events, topics, or activities that may trigger you. This allows for connection with your partner where you can both learn to become comfortable talking about difficult stuff.
4. If you’re comfortable, share your story, or part of it to help your partner better understand your experience.
5. Engage in individual, relationship and/or group therapy.
About the Author
Ania is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) with 9 years of experience supporting clients throughout Minnesota. As the founder of Empower You Therapy, she specializes in relationship therapy and trauma recovery, using evidence-based approaches including EMDR, mindfulness-based therapy, and parts work to help clients heal from childhood trauma and build healthier relationships. Ania offers both weekly therapy and therapy intensives, providing compassionate, personalized care through in-person sessions in Shoreview and virtual therapy for clients across Minnesota.