Updated: 10/22/2026
Holidays are right around the corner. They can be joyful and happy, they can also be stressful, especially when it comes to family and relationships. Excited to see your aunt Doris, but not looking forward to seeing uncle Bob? Juggling dodging conversations you don’t want to have and enjoying your time with extended family can be trying. It can also put stress on your relationship with your spouse.
Here are some practical ways to address family conflict during the holidays, while taking care of yourself:
Plan ahead. Be aware of feelings (like frustration, disappointment, irritability, sadness, etc.) that may come up for you. What are some practical ways you can take care of yourself in the moment (if/when the moment arrives, you know your family best)? How do you need to prepare yourself for the conversations you may have? How do you want to show-up in those conversations? Also, you can bow out of a conversation (see “set boundaries” below). Know what your intentions are for each visit.
Plan ahead together. Going as a couple? Have a conversation with each other about your respective expectations, supporting each other, and an exit strategy. Having a plan for the holidays can greatly reduce relationship stress during the holidays.
Keep an open mind. Set realistic expectations for how holiday gatherings may go. How do you want to engage with the different people present? Is it possible you can learn something new or unexpected (like, great grandma Mae was a burlesque dancer)? Keep an ear and eye out for the opportunities that are unavailable when you go with the expectation that things are going to go bad. What if they go well?
Be kind to yourself. Holidays don’t need to be perfect. You can't do everything - choose what will light you up, add value, or deepen your connection to others. When you must attend an event (i.e. you have no other option), focus on the positive and decide what you want to take away from the visit (see “keep an open mind” above).
Set boundaries (for yourself). Don't engage in conversations you don't want to, politely move to another room, join a different conversation, create your own side conversation, excuse yourself to go to the bathroom (or get some air), or hang out with the kids.
Take care of yourself. Pay attention to yourself and trust your gut when it tells you it’s time to leave. What will you say when people insist you should stay a little longer (but you don’t want to)? How can you recharge? With whom? Doing what? Allow yourself time to do nothing, to daydream, to be bored.
Seek professional help when needed. If heavy feelings continue to stick around after the holidays, get professional support from an expert relationship therapist in Minnesota.
Holidays are what you make them. Focus on your intention for your holidays. You are in charge of your actions. You can start conversations or walk away. You can say “no.”
About the Author
Ania is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) with over 9 years of experience supporting clients throughout Minnesota. As the founder of Empower You Therapy, she specializes in relationship therapy and trauma recovery, using evidence-based approaches including EMDR, mindfulness-based therapy, the Gottman Method, Relational Life Therapy, and Developmental Model of Couples Therapy to help clients heal relational hurts and build healthier relationships. Ania offers both weekly therapy and therapy intensive programs, providing compassionate, personalized care through in-person sessions in Shoreview and virtual therapy for clients across Minnesota.